A Public Apology to the Opposum

So…. ummm… how’s it going? [Hides metaphorical tail between legs.] Right. So turns out it most likely, for sure, probably, maybe wasn’t you doing all that horrible damage to the tomato plants, basil, nasturtiums, pansies, tansy, succulents, etc a few weeks back. Turns out I maybe, sort-of, possibly, most likely made a little tiny mistake and accused the wrong critter visitor. This is not to say you’re all 100% innocent of plant theft or anything just that you probably aren’t responsible for 95% of the damage incurred and that if our dispute were to have gone to court and Matlock was your lawyer there would be that part at the end where he turns off the bumbling southern gent in a grey suit act and turns on the cut-throat killer lawyer in a grey suit realness and manages to smart-talk the REAL culprit to confess his crime in the court room and I’d look like a fool for publicly blaming you for all that damage. Which I did. Which was wrong of me.

Which is not to say that I didn’t make a reasonable mistake and that any other ‘possum might not be responsible for such acts of wanton plant destruction but that you specifically are not the culprit. You are a mostly innocent ‘possum who took a public stoning of which I am responsible for acts you mostly, probably, sort-of didn’t commit.

Please accept my humble apology.

So just who was responsible for the carnage and mayhem we experienced on the rooftop garden over those few weeks? Turns out it was most probably a male starling. Yes. That’s right. A bird! A smallish bird took the tops off of nice-sized tomato plants. A smallish bird vanished entire plants from their pots. A smallish bird had me tearing my hair out searching out ways to protect my helpless seedlings. A smallish bird is responsible for all of that destruction!

We should have been thinking about the bird way back in early spring when Davin first caught a male starling snipping flowers from some of the planter boxes. Of course, a small flower is not in the same league as an entire tomato plant ripped right out of the pot. It did not occur to either of us that a smallish bird could have the strength to achieve such a feat let alone the interest to do so. We started to hit onto the bird possibility when I found that plants inside my crazy chicken-wire cage contraption were still disappearing, yet the cage remained untouched. No ‘possum is nimble enough to get inside that thing without causing any damage but an agile bird could fly in and out through the top without leaving a trace.

At about the same time Davin caught this same starling attempting to fly up to the nest with a large artemisia root ball that I had dug out and tossed away earlier that week. The bird was able to get a mangled, dried-up root well over double its size up onto the top roof of our building! That’s kind of amazing when you think about it. I don’t know whether to applaud the starling or stay really pissed at it over my dead plants. In doing some research Davin discovered that starlings put all kinds of plant matter, both dry and fresh, into their nests for a few possible reasons. The thought is that they are either choosing very specific plants that are resistant to the mites that plague them, or as a way to cool down the nest. This makes a lot of sense when I think about it because many of the plants that were stolen were very strong-smelling plants or powerful herbs. No other critter visitor had ever been interested in eating these plants! And at the same time delicious, ripe strawberry bounty (a typical bird delight) remained intact and untouched.

The gutters lining our roof were replaced a few weeks toward the end of winter. We’ve had starlings nesting up there for years with no trouble at all so we’ve hypothesized that perhaps their nest was damaged in the replacement creating a need for lots of new and old plant material to bring the nest back up to code so-to-speak.

Thankfully things seem to be settled down now. I replaced my crappy-yet-effective chair contraption with a wooden kiddie safety gate garbage picked from a “fancy” neighborhood. We have not seen the ‘possum in weeks. The birds seem to be settled into their nests and plant theft seems to have hit a complete standstill. Many of the plants that were not entirely removed from their pots are starting to come back to life and have mostly surpassed their original size save some basil that was picked clean pretty late in the game and an indeterminate tomato that lost its main stem. This plant will be a whole new and unexpected experiment to add to my list of experiments for the 2007 growing season. How does a tomato grow when the main stem is completely severed from the plant? The parts that are now forming the top portion of the plant are essentially “suckers” that are usually removed. If my tomato doesn’t produce a good bounty this fall I’ll be looking at you male starling. Looking at you very sternly. And with some possible aggressive finger wagging.

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Versus the Possum, Round Two

The ongoing battle of roof garden versus the possom continues. I think I’m making some headway.

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Oh what, you can’t get past my genius chair barrier* to those delicious plants? Boo hoo.

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Gives me the stink eye.

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Changes tactics and goes for the cute and cuddly mammal routine. But I am strong and not easily fooled.

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Yeah, that’s right take your plant eating ways elsewhere! I will not be defeated!

Possom – 1
Me – 1

Unfortunately, we think he/she lives in the rubble underneath the fire escape. He/she may be slow and a little bit dumb but he/she doesn’t have a far commute.

See round one here.

*Chair Barrier: It was Davin’s suggestion to employ a child safety gate as an extra layer of protection. It’s a good, if not somewhat ever-so-slightly risky idea, but since there is no way I’m going to fork over $30-100 to keep critters out of my garden I’ve put this chair in place while I wait for a used baby gate to pop up on Freecycle or the oppossum to give up already.

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Versus the Possum, Round One

Sure I lost an eggplant last year but I don’t even like eggplants and you left the rest of the plants untouched unlike the raccoons that just plow through like tanks and tear everything to shreds so it was like, Okay, no problem, we can live together. I’m sure we can hug this one out, maybe employ a little group therapy and some committed rounds of roll reversal. You can have an eggplant or two if you REALLY need one and sure I don’t care for your, “I’ll just take a bite and see if I like it” attitude but you live here and I live here and we’re all creatures of the earth so I can dig it, man.

But then…. I wake up to this morning’s damage:

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Who knew opossums eat tomato plants? Who knew anything short of insects and slugs eat tomato plants?

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He was kind enough to simply nibble the bottom leaves off of this one. Thanks!

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It’s safe to say that this tomato ain’t coming back.

I call this strategy, “The Eff You Method”, except when I say it I am much less polite.

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Feed Them to Assorted Mammalian Creatures

Eggplant Carnage

My first response is a loud string of expletives followed by a very long and drawn, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

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    ‘Black Cherry’ tomato with chunk extraction. Oh the humanity.

A mysterious mammalian creature has been visiting the rooftop deck and taking nibbles out of random produce. We think it may be an opposum this time since one has been spotted climbing the fire escape. I barely broke a sweat over the cucumber left on the vine intact but with tooth imprints, and the assorted tomatoes didn’t freak me out because there are lots more to go around. The cherry sweet peppers were annoying but there is still time for more so I’ve accepted the loss gracefully. But dammit, I have been nurturing that single, perfect ‘Thai Long Green’ eggplant all summer. It was so perfect, and green. WHY!! I don’t even like eggplant. It makes my mouth itch. What bothers me is being robbed of that moment when I can cradle the fruits of my labor lovingly in my arms and capture that moment forever on film… or a digital file. There will be no beautiful ‘Thai Long Green’ eggplant to hold up against the clouds like a tiny UFO. Not this month anyway. There are two more microscopic fruits on the plant that may make it to full-size before the cold sets in.

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    ‘Golden Delight’ Tomato

I can’t tell you how many times this year I have advised fellow gardeners to accept a certain percentage of loss to our fellow mammalian creatures. We share space with them and have to expect that our tasty homegrown goods are going to be attractive. On the best of days I think of it as doing my part to keep city life alive. While finding my beautiful ‘Thai Long Green’ eggplant half discarded on the fire escape makes my blood boil, spotting a ‘possom scurrying across a city street at night is an exciting surprise. I just wish they’d take the whole thing! It would make me feel a whole lot better about the loss. A half-eaten tomato reeks of a “Yeah, I don’t really care for this one” attitude.

Eggplant Carnage

    My neighbor suggested we send the half-eaten fruit into some kind of CSI-type lab for bite mark analysis.

In the end I know that the best thing to do is just move the plant. My experience has shown that this one is opportunistic and only goes for veggies hanging out in the open. In all cases the fruit was exposed to a railing or like in the case of the eggplant, the entire pot was sitting out on it’s own. When I move the plant into a cluster of other plants the plundering stops. There will be no revenge or attempts to deter the creature with sprays or sprinkled magic powders.

But I will move that eggplant pot with a lot of authority and a very firm hand!

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