Yesterday I purchased an orchid from Lowe's for $10.00. Orchids are not cheap. I think I ranted about them in my previous entry. Anyway, as I proudly boasted about my find in the orchid topic in the forums, Gayla posted a link to an article about buying bargain orchids. After reading the article, I decided that I, did indeed, purchase the type of plant it clearly said to avoid. Damn it! There goes my high from finally buying an orchid, especially after my ivy topiary is with us no more.
 I bought a Dendrobium orchid. It had no flowers on it. I think they were originally around $27, but were marked down to $10. It still rang up at the higher price. I told the cashier they were $10. She didn't bother to check. Probably because she didn't give a rat's ass and/or was too lazy to find out because she was the only register open.
The plant was inside a green plastic pot that was inside of a terracotta pot. Sounds like nesting dolls or something. The terracotta pot had holes on the side so I am assuming this is an orchid pot. I took it out of the plastic pot and re-potted it in the terracotta one and lost half of the soil down the drain in the process. I trimmed of the dead flower stems (?) and removed one yellow leaf. This was all before I read the article and after reading the 10 steps to buying an orchid, I'm not too sure what to expect.
1) Check plant for firmness in pot: My plant was kinda of wobbly, but not falling down drunk. Conclusion: I guess it's okay.
2) Check to see if pseudobulbs are fat and plump: I'm not quite sure what a pseudobulb is. I'm supposed to be aware of shriveled pseudobulbs. I don't have any shriveled ones, but some of them are kinda kaput. I did remove the ones that pulled out easily. I don't know if I was supposed to or not. Conclusion: Find out what pseudobulbs are.
3) Check to see if leaves are firm: They are very firm. Conclusion: Outlook good.
4) Check to see if foliage is damaged: Is that the flower? I didn't have any foliage. Conclusion: That could be a yes, no, or maybe.
5) Check for sticky substance on leaves: I didn't find any so that means my plant doesn't have bugs. Conclusion: My plant doesn't have bugs.
 6) Check for water log or water inside the pretty paper: My plant didn't come with any pretty paper. Conclusion: No water log.
7) Check for limp flowers or buds turning yellow: My plant had neither. Conclusion: I think it's obvious.
8) Check to see if plant has correct label instead of the generic 'orchid plant': My plant was clearly labeled Dendrobium. Conclusion: Why, yes! Yes, it did!
9) Ask how long plant has been in store: I'm pretty sure I saw them there from the beginning of December. Conclusion: I skipped this step.
10) Ask salesperson if they know anything about orchids and how to care for them: She knew they were $10. Conclusion: I could have bought the book on orchid care that was probably more than the plant. Plus, that's what the internet if for.
11) Ask the Magic 8-Ball if orchid will survive: Cannot predict now. Ask the Magic 8-Ball if orchid will ever bloom: Cannot predict now. Ask Magic 8-Ball if it knows when it will be able to predict: It is certain. Conclusion: Magic 8-Ball can bite me.
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