You Grow Girl™

So here’s what I did. First, I shelled out $3.99 for a viola. We’re not talking your typical 4-pack of cells for a buck here. No, we’re talking one plant. One plant that cost $3.99. One plant whose tag bragged its rareness and specialness and three dollars and ninety nine cents worthiness. There was also something about how the variety was popular 150 years ago. There was other information too but I didn’t get that far. I was sold at “popular over 150 years ago.” Because if it was popular 150 years ago then by gum that is a plant I have got to grow! I could care less about the botanical trends of the day, but the plants trends of yesteryear, I’m all over it. Next I’ll be up on the popular plants grown 200 years ago! 250! When I eventually learn the Latin names of plants listed in the 16th-century Aztec Codex there will be no stopping me!

In truth, I was also sold at “pretty flower” and “Psst. Hey you sucker. Here’s an over-priced flower you’re sure to want. Buy me!”

Not surprisingly the rare and popular one hundred and fifty year old, costing three dollars and ninety nine cents viola was found next to the wildly expensive $18.99 echeveria. This particular region of the garden centre forever to be known as the place to be avoided and the place where they put the fancy expensive shit that suckers like me are sure to buy.

So… skip ahead to the waiting in line and the exchange of money. All that time I had in which to reconsider the purchase but I went ahead anyways. Next, I placed the Most Expensive Viola There Ever Was into my bike basket along with several other plants. And somewhere between a long and precarious downhill bike ride balancing an overflowing bag on my left shoulder and a basket full of plants with my right arm, the tag came loose and sailed away never to be seen again. I have spent the last hour fruitlessly Googling search terms such as “rare pansy”, “150 year old viola variety”, “wildly expensive violas purchased by total suckers” and other search terms with no luck of unearthing the name of this plant. I’d let it go if this were your average dollar viola. However, since I paid three dollars above market value for this sucker I have got to know its name! For that kind of dough I want to be able to cuddle, hold hands, and watch movies with this thing. Without the formality there will be no opportunity to get better acquainted. How will we bond when there are only nicknames and pseudonyms between us?

In looking around the flowers look a lot like the ‘Terra Cotta’ viola but I’m just not sure. Any guesses? I will happily send a couple of big buttons to the reader who can identify this variety and end my suffering.

Update: I went back to the store this afternoon and they were all gone and the main person wasn’t there so I wasn’t even able to find out the name of the grower. To be continued….